Share some thoughts on passing the first year mark.
Perhaps rather than answering several questions choose one event, discussion or trial and share more details and thoughts than you normally have time for (more like a journal entry).
I don’t really know how to properly express what it is that I feel about this year. As I took some time to meditate, read in my journal and reflect about the year, I couldn’t help but start to make analogies in my head between my time in the mission and halftime in a soccer game. So to start that is really what I want to express. At halftime. I always took a second to breath, stretched out, drank a bunch of liquids and took time to look at the game. I looked at the other teams weaknesses, I looked at their strengths, I looked at my team, and I analyzed my personal performance. With the hope that as I entered the second half I would be able to apply just a little bit of it, and therefore give us an anvantage and win the game.
I didn’t rest, or take a bunch of water on my year mark. However the analysis, the same thinking process went into play. It was in this analysis and in the events of the last week that I came to realize personally what the last year has meant.
I have the blessing of being the companion of someone that has the exact same amount of time as me in the mission, expects just as much of himself as I expect of myself and who works diligently to progress. The two of us have pushed ourselves to new limits and yet, all that would be normally called success has run away from us. While our practices have been golden, the organization of our work the best we have done yet, our attention to detail really unmatched by any other point in our lives, still the success evades us.
We watched good lessons result in an investigator return to the Catholic church (one of the hardest things I have experienced as a missionary was rejection from this investigator), we watched all the organization and balance of our work show poor results, our details constantly being messed up and a feeling of desesperación (wihtout hope) come over us.
For example, we taught this lesson last week, very powerful about the restoration. The lady understood it. She was reading the Book of Mormon and marking it. When as we went to go with her to general conference. She told us no. I went back to my church today. God put you guys in my way to make me realize that I needed to change and go back to church. Thank you for everything but don’t come again. We had a family that came back from a weekend away and suddenly we couldn’t “find them” they were “never” home. It was a really hard time. However in the last week we came to the realization or came to the point where we had to accept that the Lords time is not ours.
And that is the lesson I have learned
I was completely willing to be one hundred percent obedient. To work every day and every second, to change habits, to change lifestyles, to study more and to be more dedicated, but I wanted all of my effort to mean more results. I wanted it to be mine.
It is not ours; it is never ours. We don’t do anything.
Last night we got to teach a family that we found about a week ago. They have been reading; they have been praying. We have been fasting for them. The lesson we had last night was very simple. We taught them why we are baptized and why we recieve the Holy Ghost. I don’t remember what I said, I don’t remember what scriptures we shared. I don’t remember much of anything. I just remember that as we invited them to be baptized the smile that came on their faces and the burning fire that there was in the room.
I didn’t do anything in the lesson. I prepared before. I worked hard, I was worthy and then the Spirit did everything. The Lords time is not our time, and I am super thankful I have another year on the Lords time so that He can make some even bigger changes in me.
All of my love